It's become one of my favorite songs, recently. 

 I'm not depressed...just...just kind of here.  I'm much too content with who I am to really feel down on me, but the car thing is breaking my heart to pieces.  That, and, after almost three years, I'm willing to admit that it's driving me insane to have no close friends...zero.  Boyfriends don't count, and neither do friends-by-proxy, if you don't intentionally spend time with them outside the company of the former.  Besides, you can't really talk to them about a lot of things anyway, since their loyalty to you is suspect versus their loyalty to your significant other.  I really want to start seeing a therapist, just so I can feel like someone's listening, even if it's for money...but, I have no insurance, and I don't want to spare the money until I replace my car and/or have my house.  Everything in my life now hinges on finding a house...but, I have no means of going to look at any.  I also have no means by which to shop for means, know what I mean?  I'm running my life into the ground, and I haven't even gotten out of this house yet.  My grades improved last semester, for the first time...ever.  I've just kind-of stopped doing anything, now, though.  I've lost my motivation.  I don't even enjoy going to bed, anymore, because I know I have to get up the next morning.  Zena, (that's what I named my Creative Zen), gets me through the day.  I'm usually pretty bubbly, until about noon—then everything starts to dismantle.  I need someone to talk to, but I don't trust anyone, and people have their own problems to worry about, anyways.  They don't deserve to be burdened with mine.  Still, 'never thought I'd see the day I would admit to needing other people for company...Highschool has been a most unfortunate experience.

I'm so tired...I can't keep living my life this way.  Where do the hours go?  Maybe I'd be more than morbidly curious and self-depricatingly hopeful about the future if I threw out my computer, and just used someone else's for my house/car shopping.  Maybe walk to the library.

I hate modern America.